Saturday, April 7, 2018

GM Stories: The 15 MPH Ball and Chain

This is the closest I can come to a picture of what the car looked like. Since it was a test vehicle, no pictures of it were allowed.


One of the hazards of being a contracted test driver for a company, which I was, was that there was always the possibility of your assigned car breaking down, or setting a check engine light, both of which meant your shift was essentially over. If you were lucky, the bosses might have some cars to wash or some water jugs to refill around the proving grounds, to get you close to getting a full day’s work in, but usually when you broke down, you had to go home.

I was in just such a situation one night during the late summer, early autumn. I had a car that was so normal I don’t even remember what it was. But after lunch, the car set a check engine light. I took it to the garage, and the mechanics shut it down. I went back to the office, and asked if they had anything else. I expected them to tell me no, because this was the time of year that testing started slowing down, as temperatures were starting to drop as summer slowly died, and high temperature testing was what the GM proving grounds in Mesa were all about.  To be honest though, being Arizona, nothing slowly dies. Summer here goes from the end of April, to the beginning of October. One day in April, it will be nice, sunny, and warm. The next day, it’s over 100 degrees. One day in October, it’s 105 outside. The next day, the high is 65. I guess that’s why they call it the desert!

I was in luck though. One of my bosses said that two hours ago a car had been called up for what he called an engine break-in. Now these could be fun, as depending on the engine, you might get to exceed 100 miles an hour on the circular track. Or you might get to bring the car up to 50 miles an hour, and keep it there for three hours while you drove around. You never knew until you got in the car.

So I got my assignment, and the location of the car, and walked over to the garage. I remember it being a gorgeous night (I was working third shift at the time, so it was about 4 to 430 in the morning when this happened), but the car was far more gorgeous. This was a legit, honest to God race car. It even had the five point harness-type seat belt that racers use. (A five point harness is called that because there are five seat belts: two go over the shoulders, two go around the waist, and then there is the submarine strap, which comes up between the driver’s legs to prevent him or her from sliding under the belts in the case of a crash).

This car had an 800 horsepower, V8 engine, with a six-speed, manual transmission. To put that in perspective, the cars that most of us drive hover around 200 horsepower. Most NASCAR engines put out about this amount of horsepower, or a bit more. Most Formula One cars put out about 200 horsepower more than this car I was about to drive. The term kid in a candy store could never have been more appropriate to describe my feelings.

My head was buzzing. I knew I wouldn’t be racing this thing, as we were never without strict orders that had to be followed regarding how the cars were driven, or we could seek other employment: that’s how serious they were about the cars. But I was expecting to maybe get out on the track and stretch the car’s legs, as they say in racing (meaning to drive it fast for a good amount of time).

I should have known something was wrong when I noticed the mechanic grinning at me. I asked him, like I asked all mechanics when I picked up a car from the shop, if there was anything I should know about the car. He said no, just read the paper that was in the car.

I got in the car, and there was the paper sitting on the front passenger seat. The paper detailed how this was a special car, meant to test a special part of the engine, and that the first few days of its life on the proving grounds, which began that night, were to be a break in. So because of that, I had to run what they called a Granny schedule. Granny schedules were schedules we ran that kept the car at a maximum of 15 miles per hour. My job was to drive this 800 horsepower best, this tiger that was waiting to get out on to the track and roar, around the building area, never exceeding 15 miles an hour.

While that might sound disappointing, and it was, it was actually pretty hard work. A car with an engine that big tends to have an itchy trigger finger when it comes to the gas pedal. The same amount of force that you might apply to the gas pedal to get your car away from a green light, maybe maxing out at 40 miles an hour after a quarter of a mile of steady cruising, would send this car up to 100 miles per hour or more easily if the driver wasn’t paying attention. That, and because this was essentially a race car, it had a manual transmission, as all race cars did back then. With this kind of transmission, and an engine that powerful, stalling was a real possibility, and if I remember right, I did stall it a couple of times as I was starting to drive it. I had to spend the rest of my shift alternating between idling the car, not letting it stall, and just barely, lightly, blipping the gas pedal to keep it going. I won’t lie, I had a cramp in my right calf that didn’t go away for two days after that night.

So for about three hours or so, I drove the car around the building area, never going on any of the tracks or roads of the proving grounds (because 15 miles per hour is too slow to be allowed on any of the roads). When I saw that my shift was over, I returned the car to the garage, got the mechanic to sign my sheet (something required to prove that I didn’t just take a nap for the rest of the shift, but actually worked!) and made my way back to the office. I’ve always been curious what that car was actually testing. All I know for sure is that what it truly did test: my right calf muscle! Until next time…

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